Histamine problem solved!
My mom called this morning. She and my dad are visiting this weekend. In addition to being the world's best house guests (knowing that I neither cook nor clean, they are bringing their own sheets, their own towels, and a lasagna), they are also delivering a big ol' box of Alavert, purchased on the cheap at the biggest big box store of them all: Super WalMart.
It's not cheating if I didn't request it. Right?